I've been cleaning the house for the past two days because someone is coming to assess our house and hopefully reappraise the mortgage tomorrow (notice how mortgage has the word mort in it, a.k.a the word for death in French), so the whole enchilada has to be spotless. The only interesting thing that has happened to me was a graduation party yesterday where the above photo was created. We definitely raged.
Friend Maya and Friend Angie respectively. Could you tell it was Angie's party by her non-real flower leis?
Even more interesting than the facial expressions of my peers and me was the sunset, which I am very sad I didn't have a full view of, because it was PINK.
Pink sunsets don't happen very often in Hawaii. People may say Hawaii is beautiful, but honestly I have seen many more beautiful skyscapes and sunsets in the midwest than I have in this tropical paradise. It must be something about our geographical location. The Great Pink Sky always sends me back to my youth and causes introspection. I either wanted to fall into the rec center pool and submerge into the past or rise into the light-stained clouds and dissipate into the future.
Anyway, I did make an image today, but I'm not too crazy about it–
It's just a thing commemorating the fact that I completed the final page of my journal today and can now officially start writing in my new one. The way my handwriting lays over my hands feels trite, but I'm going to play with it more eventually.
Another thing I made today was the second quinoa and kale pilaf of the week. I've always been interested in healthy eating but I never have time to cook for myself during the school year.
The Health is practically radiating from the stove.
Cooking with Rachael always involves a lot of improvising and substituting ingredients with whatever is lying around the house (red onions and shallots are the exact same thing, right??).
So, tomorrow is my first day of work at Iolani as the assistant to three different art classes, and I will definitely blob about that.
I'm having more anxiety problems which is why I did not blog earlier today or last night. Sometimes I get into a place in which everything feels terrifying to carry out, even things that I like, perhaps out of fear of failure. I'm going to transcribe one of my final journal entries to vaguely elaborate and to add more substance to this post–
I feel like one of those corny magicians who swallow technicolour scarves and draw them back out, slowly, in aided regurgitation, coated with wordy slime and untrue secrets for a sparse audience to view. Only, as far as I might reach into myself, I can't grasp that woven line of thought and feeling. Maybe it merged with my spine, red and green and blue filling the spaces between my vertebrae. But that can't be it. Then my internal words would strengthen my skeleton and I'd stand leagues deep into my lifesky and tower above the drowning dreams that swarm from my bones. So the words are not my spine, because I've retreated to horizontal complacency, quietly screwing myself over, bringing my anxiety down to a simmer to expel the violent bubbles of doubt.
FOR NOW, LDFKGJL;DSKGJSDFKG!